Tank Battle

Dirty, filthy, sexy, bubblegum. I have been feigning to smell this one and wow.. I bought the last full bottle instantly. One whiff and I was completely fascinated. My friends were also quite taken with this unique and complex blend. At first, we didn’t like it quite honestly... but we kept sniffing our wrists and couldn’t stop. It ended up becoming a very nostalgic, unique journey of a scent. My friend and I started firing off the mental imagery this scent conjured up for us. “A Vietnam vet is jacking off to posters of pin up girls from back in his day, his room is covered in old scrap metals and arsenal” “A 1940’s war nurse is serving Coca Cola to her patients and surrounded by wounded soldiers and taking care of them. The smell of bubblegum, Coca Cola, gun powder and blood” And my interpretation or visual image was a young couple years ahead in the future, cyberpunk. Hanging out in an old junk yard, she’s chewing bubble gum and spits it out on the ground and gives a bj and washes his taste down with Coca Cola. It’s both nostalgic and futuristic. Classic and progressive. The contradictions are what captivate but the blending of it is seamless like a montage of moments that creates the full essence and picture. Im not sure what the picture is but it’s a masterpiece. It smells like dirt and patchouli at first spritz, which is the most polarizing part I think, it’s a deep rich earthen patchouli, kind of damp and wet, then the bubblegum saunters in and really holds your attention, where it almost develops into that Coca Cola syrupy sticky sweetness that is also quite dampened and “wet” smelling, then you get this haunting almost melancholic metallic note that is unexpected and creates an element of danger and bodily fluid. But it sort of crystallizes into a powdery metallic and the bubblegum in there almost reverses from spit out and chewed up into a brand new stick of gum covered in a metallic powder. I can’t quite place what this scent does to me. But it definitely turns heads and gets compliments, it’s polarizing but also swaying. Some will hate it and inevitably become obsessed with it.

Why did I not love Tank Battle until now? I'd tried it on paper in Lush stores a couple of times, and found it rather repulsive, one of those weird Lush fragrances that are just a bit too out there, even for a weirdo such as myself. I wasn't getting any bubblegum sweetness, just dirt. Now I do like a dirty perfume, but generally an animalic dirtiness or something that reminds me of nature. But all I was getting was wet soil, and not a clean forest floor kind of soil, more of a polluted city soil. Just nasty. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, and I finally felt brave enough to try it on skin. Instantly I regretted this, and was rather upset at having to walk around the shops with this stink on me. BUT... twenty minutes later, oh my goodness! Beetroots!!! Sweet, earthy beetroot, and wet soil still, but a rich, composty allotment soil. Still weird but actually not unpleasant. Another few minutes and the bubblegum kicks in. The kind of bubblegum we had in the seventies, that was supposed to be fruity but wasn't like any actual fruit, a weird chemical approximation of fruit, and you would stuff your mouth full of it and blow the hugest pink bubbles. The dry down is sweet patchouli, and lasts for several hours. I found myself sniffing my arm every few minutes and asking myself, do I actually like this or not? By the end of the afternoon the answer was absolutely yes. Quick return to Lush for a purchase. On skin it's constantly changing, rotating between the beetroot, soil, and bubblegum. It's kind of witchy, but not a traditional earthy forest witch - think young, urban, neurodivergent, indie witch. I wore it in a crowd a couple of days ago and noticed a couple of people turn around and knew it was Tank Battle that turned their heads, which was confirmed when they asked what I was wearing. One woman said she'd never smelled anything like it and I had to agree. Still not sure if she loved or hated it! For me this is LOVE and I never want to be without it.

This is just one of those scents i love so much i can't bear to find a fitting description of it. My favorite lush scent ever. Maybe favorite perfume ever, period. And not because the scent is the best thing I've ever smelled, because there are millions of things out there that smell at least equally amazing. I love it because it's human. It's earthy. It smells of nature. It doesn't hover around you as perfume normally does, it blends beautifully with the scent of your skin and gets stronger whenever you're warm. It smells exactly like you'd expect patchouli, clove and labdanum to smell with a hint of spicy hubba bubba bubblegum. It smells of damp soil and cold metal. It smells like a musty thrift store where insence is burned on a regular basis even though insence is nowhere to be found in these notes. That's probably just the patchouli giving off crusty hippie vibes. :) This is me in a bottle. It's like lush took a peek inside my brain and created something just for me. Something entirely unpopular and slightly dirty yet highly nostalgic. Unfortunately as happens with lush fragrances, my latest bottle differs in longevity and even texture of the juice. Its more watery and very fleeting. Wich can happen with different batches. (edit: i found a great deal online and bought a bottle from someone who wanted to get rid of her unused bottle and this batch is totally like i remembered it should be. Dark, syrupy and long lasting. So Make sure to check the batch you buy in store!) I feel like this is slightly overpriced even though it smells like it could be way more expensive. I know a lot about lush, i know how they operate and therefore i just know it didn't cost them that much to create this, that they needed to demand a 100 bucks a bottle. Even though i would pay anything to smell like this, its still kinda uncool. Anyway, price point asside. Love of my life this one.

my lush coworkers and I are currently embroiled in a standoff between tank battle. half of us love it, half of us hate it. no in betweens, no switzerlands, no neutral parties, nothing. I’m very clearly on the side of tank battle. I’ve tried this perfume even before working in lush and I adored it at first sniff. something about a bubblegum/candy scent really pulls me in, so I love stuff like moschino’s toy 2, tuberose perfumes (amouage and mancera are currently fighting out top spot), and mugler’s angel on the rare days it leans more cotton candy on me. this perfume however is so different and so fun. it smells like an alleyway behind the drag bar, when every drag queen is currently on a smoke break in the rain; lots of perfumes combine into a sweet scent that borders on sickly, and the wet concrete smells like inky, dusty mildew and discarded cigarette butts. there’s something so charmingly pretty about this perfume, despite its general offputting presence that causes the store staff standoff; it’s quite a sweet soft fragrance that has an intensity and a twist that brings it to another level. I guess my love for babycat and black orchid really influences my love for tank battle; something so pretty about an earthy, gives no fucks perfume. longevity is, as usual, amazing. sprayed it right before going home from my shift, got home at 9pm and slept, woke up at 8am, and it’s still on my skin. sillage is great, I feel like I’m in a big pink bubble, but of course it goes slowly downwards into a softer skin bubble that I can still smell from an arms length. only gripe is that the juice is dark and has a similar problem to Lust and Karma, so I have to spray this BEFORE wearing white. which tbh is not a super big problem. new signature to add to the rotation, and I will carry my tank battle defender title with HONOR!!

I heard a lot of praise about Tank Battle, so decided to go to Lush to try it myself. I sprayed my wrists and upon sniffing my thoughts were "what the f***, nah, I'm outta here". It smelled like rot and mud. I had no idea what the noise was about. I left Lush and kept going about my day. Went shopping here and there then took a train back home. It was a hot day so I kinda assumed taking public transport won't be the most pleasant experience. I sat down and immediately smelled something out of this world. Started to look around trying to figure out who the heck smells so divine. Turned out it was my own wrist. Fresh from the bottle it smells like... a story about imprisoned unicorn. There's a metal doors and wet, forgotten basement someone commited murder years ago. There are rusty chains, hardly any light and blood stained mattress. And there's a chained unicorn there, with shiny, soft hair waiting for the rescue. Call me nuts, that's what it is. Saying "bubblegummy soil/tin spray scent" just doesn't give it any justice. After some time there is a lot of bubblegum (not sickly sweet), cloves and some comforting warmth which lasts ages in clothes and skin. This is art in a bottle. Art some people won't understand cause let's face it - this scent is bold and WEIRD, but just like with art, some will appreciate it, some won't like it and that's OK. Never, ever blind buy that one though. It is a great reminiscence of old Lush oozing with passion and ambition with unique, weird in a way, whimsy and magnetic fragrance rather than making shallow sickly sweet gourmands to cater their tiktok audience. Glad it hasn't been discontinued yet. Two bottles in, I don't think I'll ever get bored with this one.